The Mannerisms of MH

I don’t remember the exact prompt that led to the writing of Mannerisms, but whatever it was, Mariska was the only person I could think about, and how she acts when she’s full of gratitude and joy. Her Mannerisms.

Her hand over her heart, her hands clasping together like she’s praying. A warm smile.

If you haven’t been able to tell by now, Mariska Hargitay means a lot to me. No, that’s an understatement. She means THE WORLD to me, because that’s what she’s given to me, or given back to me. She and Maile both helped pull me out of the darkness that I was trapped in 4 years ago, they showed me the light. Life isn’t perfect, but I realize now that it’s okay that it isn’t, and that I’d have a hell of a lot of people who would miss me if I were gone. She gave me a new lease on life and I don’t take it for granted.

She helps me push past my anxiety and do whatever it is my heart feels is right, she helps me fight, not just for myself but for others. Sometimes I swear it’s like she takes over my vocal chords and gives me the strength to share my story, and the words to say to help others when I may not have them.

Mariska is my muse. She has been for a long time now, but honestly, she’s the best muse I could ever ask for. Her spirit, her soul… if I can capture even a little bit of that in a poem, then I consider that a hell of a good poem.

Here’s to you, Mariska.

For Maile

I wrote For Maile at my kitchen table. One of the few pieces I didn’t write in class. I wrote it the day after I found out Maile Zambuto was leaving Joyful Heart.

Originally it was going to be titled Until We Meet Again, But I realized that sounded like she died. So I changed it to For Maile.

The poem repeats the phrase, “Until we meet again, and we will,” a lot. In fact, each statement starts with that. I realize that sounds like she died as well. But in her blog post about why she was leaving had that exact phrase in it.

Maile inspires me. As a survivor, as an advocate, and simply as a human being. She has for a very long time. I am so incredibly honored to have met her.

Thank you isn’t enough. So all I can say is this, until we meet again, and we will, I’ll carry on your legacy in my heart and my actions, and continue this fight.

Mahalo Maile.

xo, K.M.